Madame Brussels bar, Bourke St, Melbourne CBD
There was grass on the floor, so what? Three drinks cost $35! I repeat! $35! Do they need dollar bills to fertilise the ground? Is that dirt made of truffles? Did that grandma-chic furniture belong to the first ever grandma of all time, therefore a costly investment of great historical importance? I think not. $35!
Some footpath, Collingswood or something, Melbourne
Right near here we went into a clothes shop where a homeless man wheeling a trolley: 1. bought a cap. 2. smelt divine. The bums in Melbourne are first rate. You could bottle that shit. Eau de Ewwwwwww (not so much!).
Northcote TAB, Melbourne
Bet and lost. So swings the cosmic pendulum of gambling.
The Corner Hotel, Richmond, Melbourne
How great is this carpet? The people at this venue were tubby and untucked. The band putrid (sorry The ——s, but it’s just true. And button your top up next time, I don’t need to see your man-medallion dangling on a yet-to-become-a-man chest). The drinks too small (POTS! Pots my ass. Pots would be large and served by happy gnomes. Pots would bring sustenance, not un-satenance). But the carpet! Pure gold. It’s why movies were made. And why casinos are the best place to find romance.
China Heights Gallery, Crown St, Sydney
These feet belong to three very hot blondes. Which makes them seem hotter, somehow. The feet, not the blondes. Or maybe a little of both.
Goulburn St Park, Surry Hills, Sydney
So when you come out of a gallery, and you’re a little pissed, and it’s a nice night, what do you do? You grab the closest bottle of pink champagne, some girrrrrl-friends, a milk crate or two, and head to whatever patch of grass is nearest to the local law enforcement. Then you go “whoop whoop!” and wait for the constabulary to notice how young and reckless you are. Failing that, simply drink the champagne and compose a convincing story about how you got arrested for public drinking when you were young. I GOT ARRESTED FOR PUBLIC DRINKING WHEN I WAS YOUNG! Like that.
Diplo @ Oxford Art Factory, Darlinghurst, Sydney
These are what sensible dancing shoes look like.
Diplo @ Oxford Art Factory, Darlinghurst, Sydney
These are what sensible dancing shoes DO NOT look like.
Best bargain store ever, Illawarra Rd, Marrickville
Choosing the right shade of plastic roll up mat takes A LOT of careful consideration, trust us. In the end, it got too much. It turned our heads square. Scary stuff.
City Hall, some official street, Newcastle
Sorry to dwell on awe-inspiring carpet here, but doesn’t it just … inspire awe in you? Just think, someone, somewhere, sat down and DESIGNED this. Then, someone else got out a big red pen and APPROVED IT. Then, another person, probably fatter than the last, PAID FOR IT, no doubt with dirty Mexican money. Tiny children in Africa made it using little caterpillar fibres, and then some other even tinier children in China put sticky stuff on the back, so it could stick to the ground (that’s how carpet works, guys). Then, crossing vast distances of water and air, a few civil wars, a budding romance in the deep South of India (between a Raj and a peddler’s daughter, natch), it arrived in Sydney, Canada, to great confusion. More time passed. It finally reached its actual destination, where it was received by the Mayor of Newcastle, who was not yet corrupt. He got his cousins, Vin and Lyn, to stick the carpet to the ground in his new digs … and then, on a summery, blustery day in October, two young women with red nailpolish stumbled upon it, and were awe-inspired! See, I knew you wanted to know.
Serviced apartment, Pacific St, Newcastle
I don’t think I could explain evolution better if I tried.
Village Disco stage, Parklife, Moore Park
I entitle this abstract masterpiece “Euphoria Dance With Mustard Leaf, Adrift”.
The roof, my room
Where it all began.
–lalaz
haus ov duum 