Category Archives: Uncategorized

Shitstick Fungal vs. Pashmere Barfia

Well, I think this pic sums it up.




Even though blondie on the left appears to be wearing Sophie’s dreaded DRESS OVER PANTS combo, at least they didn’t all get vomited up by some Prom Monster, who had a bit too much vanity at the bonfire party. Plus, sixty million tequila chasers. Chased by more tequila. Leaving only the worms, in a vast echoey white space of BLAH.

At least the lassies at Pash-Barf obviously care about their careers, cos they’re willing to flash some leg, and also they fold their arms occasionally. Oh, and cos they actually live in the city, not in a white cardboard box. I can tell this cos there’s skyscrapers in the background, which means to me: 1. hard penises 2. elevators 3. city.  

The only exciting thing happening over at Shit-Fung, is that, possibly, Nico is pinching their butts (note the notable absence of her hands anywhere in the pic). I like Nico the best so far, even though she breathes heavier than an obese man breathing heavy.

Victory Wood is an embarrassment to Asians the world over. ASIANS HAVE STYLE! And generally not anuses for mouths! 

Meanwhile Brooke Shields (whatevs her name is in the show, whatevs), is, as Sophie already pointed out, clearly a man. Billowing blue shroud over groin area? Dead giveaway! I normally kinda like Brooke but she just ain’t bubblin’ for me this time.

 In conclusion: I miss thee, Pash-Barf. And I’d do the reverse if we ever did. You know, Pash.

 — lalaz












Some like City Homicide hot!


Oh my god! Less than twelve hours ’til we take City Homicide to second base! Will City Homicide be a briefs or boxers man? Even a man at all?

Only time will tell…

(But my guess is, probably not. A man, that is.)

Crime times ahead, people!

feck food

I just ate some really disgusting Caramel Cheesecake from Michel’s Patisserie.

It had LEMON RINDS in it! Like, nuclear fluroescent yellow bits of death shrap! IN A CARAMEL CHEESECAKE! It’s like they ran out of “Gooey, gelatinous brown shit” and had to substitute with an old lemon they found in the gutter.

At least it wasn’t human cum, I guess. Which is the story we heard last night, about a woman who contracted mouth herpes from a man who ejaculated over her steak.

Lesson of the story: don’t eat in Burwood.

Oh, and don’t eat Michel’s. Which I think everyone already knew. (But I was in a sugar slump).


I’m an Asian psychic!!!

Ok so I found out this morning that my friend from work gave birth last night to a healthy baby girl. First up: congrats and whoo hooo! Second up: I AM PSYCHIC! Before she left she went round getting people’s hit predictions on when the baby would be born. It was actually due in 2 weeks or so. I picked yesterday after consulting my Japanese diary and seeing the kanjis for “friend” and “pull/cut” on it. Not sure what the combo means in reality but my super-attuned brain deciphered it to mean: my friend is leaving me for a baby (you know, which is pushed and pulled out and the umbilical cord eventually cut). Admittedly I picked “boy” but I’d begun to get fuzzy on this, and dreamt that she brought the baby to the pub and it was wearing a girly red Asian head-wrap.

So I feel like kingshit today.

My services can be hired by the hour, simply call 1800-AZN-PZYKIK.

P.S. I also dreamt recently about schoolboys the night before Sophie got asked out by one. Coinkydinky? I think not!

P.P.S. It wasn’t a rude dream.