no child left behind

is there something wrong with me? I don’t LOVE this new Marc Jacobs collection:

maybe it’s because

a) i’m not an eight year old billionaire,

b) those kids are aliens


c) kids ‘fashion’ makes me nauseous.

forget Henson, Jacobs is your man, paedophile task force.

Exhibit A:

i couldn’t cut & paste the photos from here, but do visit the above link and see for yourself the full catalogue of elfin waifs draped in MJ couture. If the FBI hasn’t shut it down yet. special attention must be paid to the albino child with the lime-green silk shirt. that kid must be Jacobs’ ‘special friend’, a la Macaulay Culkin. which leads me to…

Exhibit B:

MJ. Marc Jacobs. Michael Jackson. code for child sex. did i elaborate too much? in this age of pomo-homo-ness, elaboration is so passe. so i’m passe. i’m fine with that. bite me.

Exhibit C:

this child clearly cannot surf. this is false advertising. this is wrong. like paedophiles.

Exhibit D:

this is a classic example of ‘older black male child leads younger latino-white female child into sex lair for child sexographer to document extensively’. just quietly, that dude has GOT IT. LAY-BY!

and while we’re on the topic of task forces and child exploitation, how GOOD was Boston Legal last night? The “No Child Left Behind” Act (a North American set of laws regarding public education, that was signed by Bush in 2002) was brought into question once before in BL (see, by M.J.Fox (ANOTHER MJ. except this one IS a child, so can’t be a pedophile – although that could be his schtick: he lures the small sexually appealing children with his child-like-ness). But last night’s episode, cleverly titled “No Brains Left Behind” was VERY clear that this law should simply not exist. Candice Bergen (AKA old lady sexpot, AKA that scarf-wearing, one-position-standing exemplerary student of the the David E. Kelley school of chin wobble) was the main trumpeter of its demise, and she was rather fantastic in her rare moment in the soapbox spotlight.

Alan Shore (AKA, the breathing woman’s man, AKA the object of my post-adolescent lawyer-cum-coastguard-cum-onmyface desires), was off fighting more important battles, of course – against the National Guard, in two separate cases: one for failing to come to the aid of a pizza shop that Denny likes when it was flooded, and the other for denying Alan and Denny entry into the NG because they are older than 42 (what an arbitrary age for the NG to decide a man or woman may no longer serve their country!). Needless to say, Alan and Denny’s exploits were genius. Hilarity abounded.

be still my beating heart.



6 responses to “no child left behind

  1. i cant believe how racial you are saying that girl is Latino! like, why? cos she’s in a peasant top? and she’s so pleasantly south of all those other photos? anyway i dig her style. and her boyfriend is FLY!
    as for denny HEARTS alan fest last night, it truly took the cake. my brain WAS actually left far behind … my clitoris that is, which was halfway to Masschusetts.
    yay, a lucy photo spesh. wilkommen. and i love the lizard AV. (thats tech speak).

  2. dude, that is NOT her boyfriend.
    that is MY boyfriend.
    and after careful consideration, i think she may be argentinean. or russian. or italian. but not latino, i admit.

  3. yay woo-cy!

    what is with that pink-legginged leg-spread? Sheesh!

  4. am i allowed to comment? as a guest?

    there is so much wrong with that child and the surf board i can’t even say. i think that picture represents everything that is wrong with fashion, with advertising and the planet. also, macaulAy with an A.

  5. i am so embarassed. seriously.

  6. & of course you’re allowed to comment!
    you’re the official houst guest!

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