It may be quite obvious to everyone who reads this blog, all six hundred million of you (hello Bangladesh!) that we watch a lot of TV. Or rather, the TV we watch becomes like our 4th flatmate – more reliable, less prone to bang on the door at 4am when drunk, constantly amusing, not irritated by the pong from the fridge. And entering our stable of “see it or cry heaps for at least a minute” is the show Ten Years Younger in Ten Days. Find old craggy looking people, preferably with sob stories, inject botox, squeeze into mutton-y clothes and then have Sonia Kruger spin round like a little girl at the end and exclaim, “Oh my Gooooooooo—-ddddd! Is that yooooooo——u? (oh and I think my bony knee just broke.”
It’s on before Lipstick Jungle, OK? And if reality TV bites, it can bite me on the butt. Really. Cos I like it. Anyway this was one of my most favourite episodes.
Problem number one: wife appears to be midget.
“Beer, jugs of oil and ceramic mugs are all part of a balanced diet. Also, handfuls of air thiiiiiiiis big.”
Black shirt dude: “Who’s the midget now!”
Green shirt dude: “Me bro! Don’t hit me with your eyebrows.”
Doctor dude: “Once your teeth are fluro UV rave sticks for the new millennium, no one will notice that you look like Freddy Kruger.”
Make-me-over lady: “Oh, you mean Sonia Kruger? Yes, her face is most unfortunate.”
“Stop looking … stop looking … jizzing bejesus who employed me to dress men …”
Recipe for 1 x generic advertising metrosexual. Insert into TV machine, swipe fringe to side, plonk with bronzer. Do not forget embellished hoodie under suit, or all will be lost. Set to dry. Once your little ad-noid is ready, insist he smile cheesily at all times or else, “He will lose the Vodafone account and mini-stapler shaped like an egg!”
Holy gravestone of God, my Grandmother from the past was hidden in there! Exorcism!
Ok, all that said, I loved this couple. They both slogged away really hard at their jobs (of which she had THREE), and had cute kids (I think – oh hell all kids are cute), and really seemed to love each other. And now they can smile to prove it.