Monthly Archives: July 2008

Doomie Definition # 1: Peek-gina-joo

 

Peek-gina-joo: The mystical elision of ‘peek-a-boo’ and ‘vagina’  by a drunk person with an uncanny, shamanistic connection to their own subconscious. Signifies the act of hiding objects in a woman’s wide-set genitals – a fun game the whole family can play.

he’s a knazi!

heil knitler.

i like his limp feet.

-lucy

Is there life on Mars?

Is it just me, or is the Yves Saint Laurent Autumn/Winter 08 range a total homage to Motley Crue’s guitar player, Mick Mars?

Witness.

Faces = match.

Zip-type detail = match.

Penchant for clunky black suit things that threaten to topple over tiny frame = match.

And hey, my detective work even uncovered solid proof that Yves met the Mars himself:

Cruel, I know.

“Give me back my fashion mojo juice! Or else I’ll use my voodoo powers to multiply the guy behind me so that ALL YOU CAN SEE ARE LIP CATERPILLARS!”

– lalaz

things i love today

most days i wake up and hate the world. today i love several things. this is worth noting.

what i love today:

  • “You’ll Love Coles… Belgian Chocolate” :

How did they KNOW?!

I’ll tell you how they knew i’d love it: they filled their mix with traces of a little highly addictive substance i like to call COCAINE.

  • Papa Pharrell:

aww. pho-real is gon’ be a daddy! maybe he’ll clean up his skeazy ways. how good is the word skeazy? damn good. i don’t usually lurk around celebri-sites, but i happened upon dlisted.com today and this is what they had to say about mr. williams becoming a father:

begin quote:

This is the worst fucking Monday ever. I woke up with a hangover and I didn’t even booze last night, my air conditioning is about to go on strike, my TV is acting wonk, I just ate the last Good Humor   Strawberry Shortcake ice cream bar and now I find out that some skank is knocked up with Pharrell Williams’ baby. And that skank is not me. Tuesday can’t come sooner.

Page Six reports that Pharrell knocked up some model-type. I hope the skank gets really fat. I hope she gets fucking obese. I hope she gets cankles in her arms. A friend of Pharrell’s said the whore is really pregnant, “Pharrell is extremely private and won’t release any details.

This shit isn’t right. Although, I think I just got pregnant from looking at a picture of his sexy weasel face. If I am pregnant, I’m going to hit him up hard for child support. And by “child support,” I mean sexual favors.

end quote.

  • Christian Bale as Batman:

Heath Ledger is amazing, awe-inspiring, one of the best performances in years, the perfect predecessor to Jack Nicholson’s Joker… but Christian Bale is AWESOME. He’s perfected the alchemy of Batman: 1 part smooth  billionaire playboy, 1 part stoic bat, 5 parts DREAMY. A colleague and I were just discussing the news that CB has been reported by his Mum and sister as ‘abusing’ them yesterday (details unclear). Said colleague said she thinks CB is a great actor, but he leaves her cold, somehow. I believe he leaves me cold in the best way.

  • Christian Bale in general:

I mean, he’s no Gray Gubler ( )

but he is just VERY GOOD.

  • The Gube :

he is HILARIOUS!

  • Denny Crane getting his groove back, in last night’s episode of Boston Legal.
  • Falafel Rolls!!!! :

-lucy

A day of transgressions

What I should drink in the morning: hot water and lemon.

What I drink instead: two instant coffees, which, coincidentally, are past their use by dates.

 

What I should do all morning: work.

What I do instead: read Go Fug Yourself, which has, at least, returned to form of late, and look up bling jewellery I can’t afford, already, even though I only got paid yesterday.

 

What I should do after eating lunch: walk straight upstairs.

What I do instead: stop at the reception, and purchase a Giant Caramello Koala, even though I promised myself last night I would really seriously not eat chocolate today. I say this because my teeth have started to hurt from over-consumption, not because I wish to diet.

 

How I should’ve acted when someone from marketing brought up a changed brief: nice.

How I acted: bitchily, while slamming my fingers onto my calculator, like I’m important or something.

 

How I should feel, after reading my Marie Claire (which I didn’t even have to pay for, cos I have a mum who loves me) in the sun at lunch break: happy.

How I felt: annoyed that someone came and sat next to me, asking questions like where do you live, and for how long and have you been troubled by World Youth Day?

 

How I should feel, after reading about the rape camps in Darfur, and donating a small but hopefully helpful sum to Avaaz, to help with this dire situation: a mixed emotion of sadness, relief, and doing-goodness.

How I end up feeling: annoyed that this donation is apparently not tax deductible.

 

What my reaction should be when I return upstairs to find that noone has messaged my phone or sent me an amusing email or g-chatted to me in my break: nothing, whatever, who needs all of that? At least I’m not incarcerated in an evil place of torture.

What my reaction is: I hate everyone! Why doesn’t anyone love me? Whatever!

 

What I should be doing now: work.

What I am doing: whinging about my day.

 

What I am: a pretty crap human being.

What I should be: a better one.

 

What I am going to do now: eat my Koala.

What I should be doing: ringing a dentist.

 

– lalaz

Waste not, want not

Check out the hot priests!

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/gallery/0,22056,5032674-5010140-1,00.html

haus ov duum’s guide to spotting a pilgrim

so, you’ve found yourself in sydney during world youth day week. are you a pilgrim?

here are five tell-tale signs you ARE:

1. you’re american. or adelaidean. or mauritian.

2. you’re wearing one of these bad boys:

this particular model is described as a ‘relaxed fit navy washed cap’. which i think is actually the merchandiser’s attempt at humour, as your average pilgrim is neither relaxed nor washed.

3. you are constantly airborne:

4. you are IN MY WAY!

5. you are holding a camera and a map, wearing a backpack and generally looking lost, yet filled with the spirit of christ, or somesuch. i know that sounds like a generic description of a backpacker. here is the difference:

a. a backpacker:

b. a pilgrim:

didn’t quite get that? let’s try another.

a. a backpacker:

b. a pilgrim:

why don’t you try this for yourself on the streets of sydney? take your camera out with you this weekend and capture the pilgrims in your little digital box! help them celebrate this glorious time by flashing your camera in their faces – they’ll love it! just like we LOVE playing host to them.

this has been a public service announcement from the haus ov duum.